Free money is free. If you don't want it, I'll take yours.

You might notice that this blog is SWIMMING in ads. You might, after noticing this, begin to wonder why if FredtheMonkey.com is ad-free, this blog is not. And at that point you might need to sit down because you are winded from thinking so much.

Look, JKR is like a father to me, and bless his lunatic mind for giving me life. I can’t in good consciousness speak badly about the guy. But frankly, he’s an idiot. Thousands of people come visit that crummy website of his every single day, and he doesn’t bother capitalizing on it! Which is why this blog post is titled “Why people who turn down free money are OUT OF THEIR MINDS.”

If you have the opportunity to get free money and you don’t, what is wrong with you? Maybe you don’t understand how money works. I’ll explain it to you, because I’m a nice guy like that. You use money to buy stuff, like pizza and shoes. If you can get money for free, it is like getting pizza and shoes for free!

From what I understand, some people keep their websites ad-free as some sort of noble gesture because folks who browse the internet prefer not to be drowned in a sea of advertisements. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! If you’re making a website that people want to go to, then who cares what they think? They’re coming to your website already! Like you, who’s reading this now. You’re already here, so what do I care if you’re annoyed that I put up ads? I’m going to make a million dollars! (I actually don’t really understand how putting up ads gets you money, only that it does and I assume it will be roughly a million dollars.) Once I have my million dollars I can pay people to come to my website, so if you’re annoyed it doesn’t matter. In fact, you’re the one missing out at that point because you could be one of the saps I hired to come to my blog and post “Ho ho! Good show old bean! This web log is the best web log I’ve ever read!” in the comments section.

My only issue is that they won’t let me put up MORE ads. Apparently you can’t swap the posting area and the ads in the sidebar to the right there. Think of how many more ads I could put in THIS spot! So, so many… And to be clear, I’m not selling out or anything. That will come later once Nike approaches me about endorsing their basketball shorts or something. Maybe Food Network will offer me my own line of cookware even though cooking for yourself is stupid because you can just go buy precooked food and microwave it. Oh and I’ll probably get my own cereal, and it’s going to be ENTIRELY those little marshmallows.  Scebby’s Charms or something. THEN I’ll be selling out! Mmm, yeah, that’ll be sweet… (Literally, considering the cereal will be 100% tiny little sugar rocks.)

Long story short, you’d be a fool to put up your hands and say “No, I must decline your free buckets of cash because I have some stupid benevolent objection to small rectangles of text.” It’s free and it isn’t hurting anyone. In fact, maybe it’s helping people, because they see the ads and think “I WAS just wondering what happened to my old college roommate and wanted a way to stalk him/her” and click on the link. So really, I’m doing people a favor. I’m practically a SAINT.