So, that little "followers" widget thing has been sitting at 33 for a really long time, I don't know if you noticed. I hope you didn't notice, because if you noticed and didn't DO anything about it, I should punch you in the face.
Here's how this works. I write hilarious and mind-opening blog posts about stuff that is dumb and then YOU read the posts and laugh at how awesome they are and then tell everyone you meet on the street (yeah, homeless people might have internet access too) so that I get more followers than Fred has on Facebook. That's the deal here. I've been doing my part, and you all have been sucking.
Oh, yeah, I know what you're saying. "Sceb, you haven't been doing your part. You missed last week's update and everything." It's called QUALITY OVER QUANTITY, jerk face, look it up. It means it doesn't matter how many blog posts I write as long as they're the greatest thing since sliced bread. And they are. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong, and they probably smell.
"But Sceb," you continue because you don't seem to have learned your lesson about talking back and you need more whippings, "doesn't quality over quantity apply to what we do too? Wouldn't you rather have fewer, more loyal followers than a bunch of random people?" No I wouldn't rather have that! Did you not read what I posted above? The point is to have more people than Fred! Not BETTER people than Fred. I already know I have better followers than Fred. I get tons of email saying how they're my biggest fan and would gladly help me take over the world just to let them know when! Fred gets, like, no emails like that. (Mostly because if I see any of those come into the inbox I delete them, but that's another story.)
So help me help YOU. Help me. Help me help you help me. What do I need to do here to get you off your lazy butts and spreading news of Stupid Stuff is Stupid to every human being on earth? Write more? Reply to your idiotic comments like JKR tells me I should? Hand out cookies? WHAT?!
ABOUT the AUTHOR: Sceb the space chicken is confused why you dimtwits aren't doing your part to take down Fred the Monkey's ego, and is convinced it isn't his own fault.